Canterbury Tales, the latest.

So, they're back.

With not so much as a by your leave. All laughing and joking, and the kids with their "I love the priests at Canterbury Cathedral" T-shirts. Laughing and joking!

In my day, you'd have been skinned for laughing on church day. I don't get too worried, I just remember what the good book says: you reap what you sow, and that couple across the street will have their day. Those kids is evil. Evil. Children should be seen and not heard. But these ones... they don't think twice about walking up my path, knocking on my door, asking me if I need anything from the shop. Preying on an old womans fears. Oh I can feel my angina playing up just thinking about it. As I said to Eeeeneeee the other day at church, who goes to church three times a week these days? I'll tell you. Mums and dads who are trying to get the devil out of the kids. And the dog too I wouldn't expect. And Eeeeeneeee agrees, and she's a clever one, she helps out at Oxfam twice a week, but I'll tell you about that another day. People who help out in charity shops are trying to hide something. A guilty conscience no doubt. I think Eeeeneeee broke up a good few marriages in her day, all I know is she slept with my Cecil during the war but I didn't mind cos her Charlie couldn't keep his hands away from me back entry, so that sort of evened out. He said that he liked the feeling of tightness, and I was glad of the attention.
So back to her across the street, I says to her, the mother, I ask her how the day went, and she is all smiles! "Oh Mrs... oh, I don't even know your second name!"

"Just call me Ethel and ask no questions" I reply. I put on my stern face, but she's so wrapped up in telling me about her day she doesn't even pick up on it.

So, she says. "Ethel is a lovely name, my great grandmother was called Ethel. She was the one that took my gran to church and she took my mam who took me".

I'm thinking to myself "You sly bitch. I remember the likes of you during the war". Changing the subject to confuse an old woman! She's no shame. But anyway, I rememeber all of this stuff. I write it down.

"Did you like the big church" I ask again.
"Oh, Ethel, it was grand. That cathedral is so grand. I was frightened to touch anything it was so perfect".

(That's how you tell a Satanist, they won't touch anything in a church).

"But the one thing I would say Ethel, is this - if you go, take plenty of cash."

(Here we go I think - fleshly desires and love of money. She's got Satan in her through and through, and those poor kids.)

"Take plenty of cash because the cathedral charges you to take photographs! It's £4 to take some pictures!"

And by now I look her in the eye. And I tell her "You get your Satan worshipping children out of this street, you scarlet whore. By now I was shouting. The thing is, as a Satanist she will be used to all of this foul language and worse. "I see your kids eyeing up my Cecil to do god knows to him when he sleeps, and that husband of yours feeling me up in the frozen isle at Iceland and the whole street knows you charge by the hour".

Well I knew that I got to her cos her eyes got wet. That's the sign of an unrepentent Satan worshipping cock sucking family. They try to trick you into feeling sorry for them.

Well I am having none of it. None of it at all.

That family will be out of the street before the month is out, if I have my way.

Satanists on your doorstep. My Cecil would turn in his grave.