Blue Words

Good Afternoon readers. It's been a while, hasn't it?

I completely forgot that I had one of these computer things, really I did. That was on account of the police seizing it for a couple of days for 'investigations'. Apparently my Fred had been looking at what 's called Manlove websites. Now I remember seeing him looking at something but I thought it said Manilow, on account of me not having me readers in. I'm always losing my readers, right now I am typing this with me see--ers on, as I never wear me lookers indorrs so heaven knows what it looks like. That reminds me, I saw a lovely pair of watchers in the second hand shop (you know, where Bridey works. Now you'll remember I had me suspicions about her (it was last summer when they were first aroused), I reckoned she had a bomb factory in her basement, based on the fact that she was Irish and smiled a lot. Well, do you know something? I got her keys and looked about in her basement and there was nothing there. Not a thing. Just some old Irelands Own magazines. So, I'm even more suspicious of her now. Fancy managing to hide a bomb factory. I'd call the police but to be honest I think Chlorine Street could do with a new start, so I'll just bide my time. Hopefully she'll have an accident and we'll get some new houses. Mind you, I hope I'm out that day. I hope she's out that day cos she brings me my meals on wheels. I'd be lost without Bridey, she really does do a lot for this street, the two faced Brit hating whore.)

So Fred, he has to wear this watch on his ankle now. It bleeps if he goes within 100 feet of a school. Or a bus. Or a church. But the signal from the traffic lights interferes with him and he gets an electric shock that runs right up to his crotch if he goes near them. I was going to call the people and ask them to get it fixed but he said I've not to bother, and he spends all his time at the big crossroads in town.

So anyway, Blue Words was the title, weren't it. My grand nephew came in the other day (my Doris's boy, we don't talk but she sends him round) and asked if I wanted a cup of tea. eeeee he's a lovely one. And my other grandson was here too, that's my lovely Kelly's son, she got this lovely house on the estate seeing as shes a single mother) and my Kelly's son says some blue words to me.

Now, when I say blue words, I don't mean bloody, whore, bastard, shit, shite, cock, dick, fanny, wanker, tosser, spunk, jesus, pussy, sperm, bitch or anything like that. I mean fucks, cunts and the N word. (the N stands for nigger but only a black man can call another black man a nigger).

So Kelly's son Dezza, he's only seven, comes in and says 'Yo Gran are you a whoring yo fucking white pussy. Yo taking all that milky loads?' and I had to smile. I've no idea what he was talking about, so I gave him 50p for sweets. Cos them was big words.