Eeeeeeeeeee wha a shock I got today readers.
My Cecil's just got back from his sisters house. You'llave heard about his sister. Cissy, from two streets away. Not Summer Street, no, that's the other direction, no, Cissy lives in Cedric Way. A lovely wee house she has, on account of her trouble. I feel that sorry for her, I really do. Cissy is a spinster. Never married. There was one man, Derek who had a thing for her, but I put a stop to that. Always had a string of men chasing after her, but I take my hat off to her. Not that I wear hats, I think they're a terrible idea, hats. For a man, yes, by all means have a hat, but not for ladies. Oh no. Only for weddings and funerals. Eeeee, funerals.
Cissy always had a string of men chasing after 'er, and she kept her honour. My Cecil says she's never... she has never made esss eee axe with anyone, and he should know cos he used to watch her. The dirty beggar! But that was in more innocent times. He didn't know it were wrong. So he's come in from Cissy, looking very shaken.
"Eeeeeee Cedric, what is it?" I asked him. "It's Cissy, I think she... she's dead" he said.
I was round that house as quick as a shot, I was. Cissy promised me that carriage clock on the mantelpiece, and the television and VD player. She had a nice Faberge egg that I know she wanted me to have too. While I was there, my Edward called the ambulance just in case she could be saved, but I knew it was too late for her. You should have seen the look on the ambliance mans face as he saw me with three suitcases of stuff as I left her house. I also found this long thing, it was shaped like a banana and buzzed when you pressed it. Smells of sex.
So, that's Cissy gone. Another one. I'll soon be all on me own. I've only got the two sisters left, and one brother. The other brother, he's in a home, so I don't know if he's alive or dead really. I stopped talking to him after he got arrested for offering two young lads money for sex. You don't waste money like that. This house is so big. I hope I go first. My Cecil will be OK when I'm gone. He's always had more friends than me. That's on account of me telling people things like it is, and they don't like that.
No when I'm gone, I'll be able to keep an eye on him from heaven. I'll be able to see him lay me out, put coppers in me eyes and smoke his pipe whenever he wants.
I can't wait.
1 comment:
hELLO eTHEL,.,,.THIS IS ELSIE.
i ANM SORry I HAEVn;T REpLiied TO Your BLOGS.... YoU SEES*& MY gAY SHNAE s n0T hERE AnD he'S LeFT ME IN tHE LuRCH.%
I'M tRYIUNG tO uSE tHIS bLEDediNG CoMP&TER BOX andI CANt WoRK IT ^PRoPER/
BLImMIn JAPaPanESE RUbBISH.
OoOH HoLlD On...IS a $KnOCK aT TH DOor...
Eee, Ethel...it were me grandson Shane. He's here at bleeding last typing for me. About time too. Of course, I assumed he were out dabbing his particulars in the Baker's anus. But he says he were out gettin me prescription. I don't remember askin him. I'm quite capable. I still ave me independence. That useless cow of a daughter wants to put me in a home. I tell her - I've already got a home. It's number 14, Walker Crescent. Ooh, no...hold hard...i'm not there no more. That got blown up by the Germans. I mind the time when I came out the shelter and went home...and all that were left of it were a wire from one of me bras and two piano keys. Still, I lived in there for another 38 years. I'm not being bombed out by nobody, not then - not now.
I told Gene...I told her - I hear that air-raid siren every night and I don't even blink no more. She says it's "Tinnitus". I don't know who that is but it sounds Japanese. I wouldn't be suprised, they're always up to no blimmin good.
The other day, Renie, the other day I were in Budgens and they had a Japanese working on the tills. In broad daylight, too. Well, I held on to me stick all the time she were ringing up me shopping, ready to bash her head in just like they bashed in my George's bladder. But you know me, Ethel...I'm a saint. I didn't so much as smack her in the face. Well, not until I noticed she hadn't taken any money off the chicken thighs. I had a coupon. And I had SHOWED it to her. But you know what they're like with them little shifty eyes. So I politely poked her in the mouth...and the manager asked ME to leave. Would you believe it? You'd think they'd won the bleedin war.
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