An update from Ethel

Eeee readers it's me, Ethel.

I've got one of them talkers now. I just talk and the computer writes it for me. It's bloody withcraft and that's swearing if you ask me but on account of me arthritis I'll use it.

You'll know me friend Ada, she sometimes writes a paragraph or two to me, we'll, I just saw her coming out of Woolworths. Now if you don't know what Woolworths is then let me remind you. It's a failing high street shopping chain that doesn't know what it's supposed to be, and in a daft attempt to be all things to all people has ended up being nothing to everyone. It's a shame, but there you go. Nice staff would be a start for them. She's come out of Woolworths carrying a Continental Quilt. CONTINENTAL! And that's shouting. And I walk over to hear and ask what's wrong with good old British blankets. It's British blankets what won the war. The Second World War, not the current incursions to the Middle East which in all honesty will be the end of all of us.

Well, she looks at me and says that continental quilts are all the rage and would I like one for free? FOR FREE! On account of these new two-for-one offers. I'll never say no to something free, that's why I ended up with twenty kids on account of me never passing up on free cock. Now you are probably shocked at those words, but I was a young girl once and I had quite an itch. It's still not gone away, but the doctor gave me cream for it.

And my word, them continentals know how to make a quilt. I've never been as warm in all me life, even when I was a sandwich between Kurt and Brad, those two big American bodybuiders from years back. They taught me the meaning of the word stretch. My Cecil, who never notices anything, even commented on our new quilt, he's even going to try and not piss the bed as much which is saying something.

So, I take my hat off to the continentals, and you know me, I love my hats. No, I take my hat off to them. They've made an old woman very hot. I mean happy. And a bit sticky.